How to Throw Your Own Living Wake or Funeral: A Step-by-Step Guide

Hosting Your Own Living Wake or Funeral

Hosting your own living wake or funeral is a unique way to celebrate life, express love, and share meaningful moments with those who matter most while you are still alive. This type of gathering allows you to witness the love and support from family and friends, giving you an opportunity to create lasting memories. Below, we’ll explore the rationale behind throwing a living wake or funeral, provide examples, and offer a step-by-step guide for planning your event.

Why Host a Living Wake or Funeral?

A living wake or funeral shifts the focus from mourning loss to celebrating life. It offers a chance to:

Strengthen Connections: Often, tributes are shared at funerals, but the person being honored isn’t there to hear them. A living wake allows you to hear heartfelt words from loved ones.
Create Closure: It can bring closure for both you and your loved ones, as it opens up conversations about death in a positive, meaningful way.
Customize Your Farewell: By planning your own living wake or funeral, you can tailor the event to reflect your personality, beliefs, and wishes.
Celebrate Achievements and Relationships: It’s a beautiful opportunity to celebrate what truly matters: the experiences, relationships, and memories made throughout life.

Examples of Living Wakes and Funerals

Several people have embraced the idea of a living wake or funeral, creating unique, meaningful events. Here are a few examples:

Morrie Schwartz: Morrie, whose story was told in the bestselling book Tuesdays with Morrie, held a living wake after learning of his terminal diagnosis. He invited loved ones to say their goodbyes, reminisce, and express love while he was still able to experience it.
Philip Gould: A British political strategist, Philip planned his own living funeral after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was a profound, reflective event that helped him and his family navigate his end-of-life journey.
Françoise Hardy: The French singer hosted a living wake where friends and family gathered to share their love and gratitude in an atmosphere of celebration rather than mourning.

Step-by-Step Guide to Throwing Your Own Living Wake or Funeral

Define the Purpose of Your Event:
Reflect on what you want the gathering to achieve. Do you want a formal ceremony where people deliver speeches, or would you prefer a relaxed gathering with music and laughter? Knowing the purpose will help shape the tone of your event.
Choose the Timing:
Consider whether this will be a “pre-emptive” event (well before illness or death) or closer to the end of life. Some prefer to plan their living wake while they are still healthy, while others may decide to do it after receiving a diagnosis.
Pick a Location:
Select a venue that holds personal significance. You could choose a favorite park, your home, a community hall, or even a destination with special meaning. Some may choose a beach or a cozy living room, depending on the tone of the event.
Create a Guest List:
Decide who will be invited. Do you want an intimate gathering of close family and friends, or would you prefer a larger event with a broader circle of loved ones and acquaintances? Be clear about your intentions with your guest list.
Plan the Event’s Structure:
Think about how the event will unfold. Some ideas include:

Storytelling: Encourage guests to share fond memories, funny stories, or heartfelt moments.
Speeches and Tributes: You can designate time for loved ones to give speeches or express their feelings about your life and relationship.
Multimedia: Show a video or slideshow of important moments in your life.
Music and Readings: Choose songs, poems, or passages that have personal meaning. You might even want to include live performances.
Interactive Activities: Consider having activities where guests can contribute, such as writing down their favorite memories or creating a collaborative piece of art.

Food and Drink:
Like any event, food can help set the tone. Whether it’s a formal sit-down meal, a buffet, or simple refreshments, plan the catering to match the style of your living wake. You can serve your favorite dishes or even ask guests to bring something significant to them.
Capture the Moment:
If you’d like, hire a photographer or videographer to document the event. This can serve as a beautiful keepsake for both you and your loved ones. Alternatively, keep it simple by asking a friend to take photos or videos.
Encourage Open Conversation:
A living wake can be an emotional experience. Make space for open conversations about death, life, and legacy. Encourage honesty and vulnerability so people feel comfortable sharing their thoughts.
Personalize the Event:
This is your event, so make it your own. Whether it’s incorporating your favorite hobbies, having themed decor, or playing your favorite music, it should reflect your personality and life’s story.
End with Gratitude:
Close the event by thanking your guests for their love and support. This can be a simple “thank you” or something more profound, such as a personal reflection on your life.

Rationale for Hosting Your Own Living Wake or Funeral

Hosting your own living wake or funeral allows you to control how you are remembered and to engage in important conversations about your life. It’s a chance to:

Leave a Legacy: Share your story in your own way, ensuring your legacy is one of joy, gratitude, and reflection.
Show Appreciation: Express your love and gratitude to those who have impacted your life.
Face Mortality: Embrace life’s natural cycle by confronting death with dignity and celebration.
Bring Comfort: It can also ease the grieving process for your loved ones, as they’ve already had a chance to say goodbye in a celebratory atmosphere.

A Deeply Personal Experience

Throwing your own living wake or funeral is a deeply personal experience, offering a way to celebrate your life on your own terms. By planning the event, you ensure that it reflects your unique spirit and creates cherished memories for your family and friends. Whether you choose to have a grand celebration or an intimate gathering, the essence of the event is about love, connection, and the power of presence.

Creating a space for this meaningful exchange before you’re gone provides both comfort and closure, leaving behind an enduring message of joy and gratitude.