Dividing cremation ashes can be an emotional and delicate process. Whether you are sharing the ashes among family members or preparing them for memorial keepsakes, this guide will walk you through each step to ensure the task is done respectfully and with care. We’ll also address common concerns, including what the ashes look and smell like, safety questions, and what to do if you don’t want to handle the process yourself.
Step 1: Choose the Right Containers
Before you begin, decide how many containers you’ll need to hold the portions of cremation ashes. You can choose from various types of containers, such as:
- Keepsake Urns: Small urns designed to hold a portion of the ashes, often used when several family members want to keep a part of the ashes.
- Cremation Jewelry: Specially designed pendants, rings, or bracelets that can hold a tiny portion of ashes, ideal for keeping a symbolic amount with you.
- Scatter Tubes: Biodegradable containers for families planning to scatter ashes in different locations.
Make sure to choose containers with secure seals to prevent accidental spilling, especially if the ashes are to be kept long-term.
Step 2: Prepare a Clean, Quiet Space
Select a private, clean space to divide the ashes. Spread a large towel or cloth on a flat surface to catch any accidental spills or drops. Some people prefer to do this outdoors, but indoors is fine as long as the area is free of dust or interruptions. Keeping the environment quiet and respectful helps maintain the solemnity of the moment.
Step 3: Open the Urn
Most urns have removable lids, but how you open them depends on the design:
- Urns with Screws or Clasps: Many urns have lids that are secured by screws or clasps. Gently unscrew them or release the clasp to remove the lid.
- Sealed or Glued Urns: If the urn has been sealed with glue, carefully pry it open with a flat tool, like a butter knife. Take your time and avoid using too much force, as urns can be fragile.
- Consult the Funeral Home: If you’re unsure how to open the urn or if it’s particularly delicate, consult the funeral home or cremation provider for guidance.
Step 4: Use a Clean Scoop or Funnel
Once the urn is open, use a clean spoon, scoop, or funnel to divide the ashes. Portion the ashes into the containers you’ve chosen. You can divide them evenly by weight or volume. If you’re distributing evenly among several family members, a small kitchen scale can help ensure accuracy. Pour the ashes gently into each container to avoid spillage, and take your time throughout this process.
Step 5: Seal the Containers
After dividing the ashes, ensure each container is securely sealed. Some keepsake urns and cremation jewelry come with their own seals, while others may require adhesive or sealant. For long-term storage, particularly if you’re using smaller containers or jewelry, check the seal periodically to ensure it remains secure.
What If I Don’t Want to Do It Myself?
If you feel uncomfortable dividing the ashes yourself, there are alternatives:
- Ask the Funeral Home or Cremation Provider: Most providers can divide the ashes for you. Simply let them know how many portions you need, and they will take care of the rest.
- Ask a Trusted Friend or Family Member: If you’d prefer not to handle the ashes directly, consider asking a trusted friend or family member to assist.
It’s important to honor your own emotional boundaries during this process.
Is It Safe to Divide Ashes?
Yes, it is perfectly safe to divide cremation ashes. Cremated remains, often called “cremains,” are composed of bone fragments that have been ground into fine particles after cremation. They are sterile and free of harmful substances, as all organic matter is reduced during the process. The ashes are dry and inert, meaning they do not carry any health risks.
What Do Cremation Ashes Smell Like?
Cremation ashes generally have no noticeable odor. They are composed of bone fragments and minerals, which are odorless. Since they do not contain any organic material, there is no risk of unpleasant smells.
What Do Cremation Ashes Look Like?
Cremation ashes can vary in appearance depending on factors like the temperature of the cremation and the body size of the deceased. Typically, cremation ashes are:
- Color: Ranging from light gray to white, with occasional beige or bluish tones. The color can vary depending on the composition of the bones and the cremation process.
- Texture: The texture is not a fine powder like sand; instead, it is more granular, similar to crushed stone or gravel. You may notice tiny bone fragments within the ashes, which is normal.
How Much Ash to Expect
The amount of ashes you receive depends on the size of the person:
- For an adult, the average weight of cremation ashes is typically between 4 to 6 pounds (1.8 to 2.7 kilograms).
- For a smaller person, the ashes may weigh closer to 3 pounds (1.36 kilograms).
This information can help you determine how to divide the ashes evenly if several people are receiving a portion.
What to Do If Ashes Spill
Accidents can happen, and it’s important to know how to handle them respectfully:
- Small Spills: If a small amount of ashes spills, use a clean spoon, piece of paper, or brush to carefully collect the ashes. A damp cloth or tissue can help wipe up any remaining residue. Be calm and take your time.
- Emotional Reactions: It’s normal to feel emotional during this process. Take breaks if needed and allow time to reflect on memories of your loved one as you work through the task.
Ceremonial or Ritual Considerations
For some families, dividing ashes may be part of a larger ritual or memorial service. You might want to incorporate meaningful actions during the process:
- Lighting Candles: You could light candles in memory of the deceased while dividing the ashes.
- Playing Music: Playing the deceased’s favorite music can provide a comforting atmosphere.
- Family Involvement: Some families choose to involve everyone, allowing each person to take part in dividing and sealing the ashes.
Creating a ceremony can help foster a sense of closure and connection.
Legal and Cultural Considerations
It’s important to be aware of any legal or cultural considerations when dividing and distributing ashes:
- Legal Restrictions: Depending on your location, there may be regulations governing how and where you can store or scatter ashes. Research local laws before scattering ashes in public spaces or natural locations.
- Cultural or Religious Traditions: Different cultures and religions have varying views on cremation and handling ashes. Some families may follow specific customs when dividing or storing ashes, so it’s essential to honor these beliefs and traditions.
Alternatives to Traditional Urns
If you’re looking for alternative ways to honor and share cremation ashes, there are many options beyond traditional urns:
- Cremation Jewelry: You can keep a small amount of ashes in memorial jewelry. This allows you to carry a piece of your loved one with you wherever you go.
- Memorial Keepsakes: Ashes can be incorporated into memorial glass art, custom sculptures, or even compressed into a diamond.
- Biodegradable Urns: If you plan to scatter the ashes, biodegradable urns offer an eco-friendly option for returning the ashes to nature.
By following these steps and considering your preferences, you can divide the ashes of your loved one in a meaningful and respectful way. Whether you handle the process yourself or seek help, remember that this is a deeply personal task, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to approach it. Take your time, honor your emotions, and reflect on the special memories of your loved one.
