A wake is a gathering held before a funeral or memorial service, often characterized by family and friends coming together to pay their respects to the deceased and offer condolences to the grieving family. Traditionally, a wake takes place with the body present, though in modern times, this is not always the case. It serves as a time for reflection, remembrance, and shared memories. In many cultures, a wake is also an opportunity to celebrate the life of the person who has passed away.
Origins of a Wake
The term “wake” comes from the Old English word “wacan,” meaning to watch or keep vigil. Historically, wakes were held to ensure that the deceased was truly dead and not in a deep sleep or coma. In early traditions, friends and family would sit beside the body overnight, watching for signs of life or ensuring protection against malevolent spirits.
In the Irish and Catholic traditions, wakes were an important social custom. They served as both a time of mourning and celebration, with extended gatherings that could last several days. It was common for food, drink, and even music to be shared as part of this ritual, providing a mix of solemn reflection and communal support.
What Happens at a Wake?
At a wake, people gather to offer their sympathies to the bereaved, reflect on the life of the deceased, and share stories or memories. Here are the typical elements of a wake:
- Viewing of the body (optional): The body may be present for viewing in an open casket, allowing mourners to say their final goodbyes. In some traditions, the body is not displayed, especially in cases of cremation or personal preference.
- Prayers and religious rituals: Depending on the cultural or religious background, prayers or religious services, such as the Rosary in Catholic wakes, may take place.
- Speeches and shared memories: Family members and friends may share heartfelt stories and reflections about the deceased, providing comfort and connection through shared experiences.
- Food and refreshments: It is common for food to be served at wakes, whether it’s a formal meal or light refreshments. This helps provide comfort to mourners and encourages them to linger and support the family during this difficult time.
- Informal conversations: While the primary focus is on the person who has passed, many wakes also provide a space for people to reconnect, share stories, and support each other emotionally.
Cultural Variations
Wakes vary widely across different cultures and religious traditions, each adding unique customs and practices to the occasion.
- Irish Catholic Wakes: These are often lively events, featuring storytelling, laughter, and even singing, alongside prayers and solemn reflection. It’s not uncommon for Irish wakes to last several days, as the community gathers to celebrate the life of the deceased.
- Hispanic/Latino Wakes: These often include a Novena, a nine-day prayer ritual, or the recitation of the Rosary. In some regions, wakes may take place at home rather than a funeral home, and food and drink are shared with the community.
- African-American Wakes: Known as “homegoing” celebrations, these events are both somber and celebratory, mixing gospel music, prayer, and testimonies of the deceased’s life.
- Jewish Customs: Although wakes are not part of traditional Jewish practices, Shiva, a period of mourning after the burial, offers a similar chance for family and friends to gather and support each other. Unlike a traditional wake, Jewish customs emphasize immediate burial, followed by days of mourning.
Wake Etiquette
Knowing how to behave at a wake is important to ensure that you respect the grieving family and cultural customs. Here are some general guidelines:
- What to wear: Typically, dark, modest clothing is appropriate. While black is the traditional color of mourning, more modern wakes may allow for other subdued colors, depending on the family’s wishes.
- How to behave: A wake is a solemn occasion, but it is also a time to support the family. Be mindful of your tone and volume, offering condolences quietly and respectfully.
- What to bring: Flowers are a common gesture, though some families may request donations to charity instead. Bringing food is also appreciated, particularly in cultures where long gatherings take place.
- Respecting customs: Every wake is different, depending on the family’s religious beliefs and cultural practices. Take cues from the family and be mindful of any specific rituals or prayers that may take place.
Wake vs. Viewing vs. Funeral
There are some key differences between a wake, a viewing, and a funeral:
- Wake: Traditionally, a wake includes the viewing of the body and is more informal than a funeral. It may involve prayers, speeches, and socializing.
- Viewing: This is a period when the body is made available for public or private viewing, often in an open casket, allowing loved ones to say goodbye.
- Funeral: A formal ceremony that typically follows the wake, often religious in nature, where the deceased is officially laid to rest through burial or cremation.
Some families may choose to have all three, while others may only have one or two of these rituals, depending on personal preferences.
Modern-Day Wakes
In today’s world, wakes have evolved in various ways. Some may be more formal, while others embrace a more casual, celebratory tone. Additionally, the rise of virtual and hybrid wakes during the COVID-19 pandemic has made it possible for people to participate from afar, allowing loved ones from different parts of the world to join together online.
Modern wakes may also reflect the personality and values of the deceased, with slideshows, favorite music, and personalized memorials. Non-religious or secular wakes are becoming more common, focusing on celebrating the individual’s life rather than performing traditional religious rites.
Common Questions About Wakes
- How long do wakes last? Wakes can last anywhere from a few hours to several days, depending on cultural customs and family preferences.
- Do I have to attend both the wake and the funeral? It’s common to attend both, but if you can only attend one, most families appreciate attendance at either event.
- What if I can’t attend the wake? Sending a card, flowers, or a donation to a charity in the deceased’s name is a thoughtful gesture if you are unable to attend.
- Can I bring children to a wake? This depends on the family and cultural expectations. If the child is old enough to understand and behave appropriately, bringing them is usually fine, but it’s best to ask the family beforehand.
