Funerals are an opportunity to honor and celebrate the life of a loved one. Incorporating personal elements such as original poems, excerpts from letters, diary entries, favorite song lyrics, or heartfelt anecdotes can make the service uniquely meaningful. These additions can reflect the personality, values, and legacy of the deceased, creating a memorable and intimate experience for attendees. Here’s a guide to gathering, curating, and including these elements effectively, along with some considerations for special types of content like diary excerpts.
How to Gather Material
Gathering personal writings and shared text requires a thoughtful approach to ensure you collect meaningful and appropriate content.
- Reach Out to Family Members: Begin by asking close relatives if they have created or saved any writings that reflect on the deceased’s life. This could include poems, heartfelt notes, or meaningful letters exchanged with the deceased.
- Search the Deceased’s Belongings: Look through journals, keepsake boxes, or digital files where the deceased may have stored writings, favorite quotes, or significant song lyrics. Items tucked away in drawers, albums, or books often hold sentimental value.
- Consult Friends and Colleagues: The deceased’s friends or colleagues may have unique stories or writings that reflect their shared experiences. A group email or social media post can invite contributions.
- Create an Open Call for Submissions: Let extended family and friends know they can contribute. Provide examples of what you’re looking for, such as a short poem, a favorite memory, or a significant passage. This inclusive approach often yields unexpected treasures.
- Review Social Media: Many people leave meaningful posts or comments on social media platforms. These can be a great source for quotes, reflections, or expressions of gratitude that represent the person’s character.
Where to Look for Personal Writings
Finding meaningful content often involves some detective work. Explore these common sources:
- Personal Belongings: Journals, notebooks, or diaries can provide intimate insights into the deceased’s thoughts and feelings.
- Digital Files: Check their computer, phone, or cloud storage for saved notes, favorite song lyrics, or emails that might have emotional significance.
- Cards and Letters: Sentimental items like birthday cards or letters can contain heartfelt messages worth sharing.
- Albums and Scrapbooks: Look for annotations, captions, or handwritten notes accompanying photos.
- Books and Quotes: If the deceased had a favorite book or poem, consider including an excerpt from it. Highlighted or underlined passages often signal something meaningful to them.
Be Sure to Ask For Contributions
When incorporating personal writings, it’s essential to seek consent and ensure the content fits the occasion.
- Permission from Contributors: If using someone else’s poem, letter, or anecdote, always ask for their permission. Respect their wishes if they prefer to keep certain items private.
- Consult Key Family Members: Share potential selections with close family members to ensure they are comfortable with the content being shared publicly.
- Clarify the Tone: Ask contributors to provide context or background for their submissions to help you integrate them seamlessly into the service.
- Double-Check Appropriateness: Confirm that the content is suitable for all attendees and aligns with the tone and purpose of the service.
Should I Include Diary Excerpts?
Including diary excerpts in a funeral can offer a deeply personal and emotional connection to the deceased. However, this decision requires careful thought.
- When to Include: Choose excerpts that highlight the deceased’s personality, values, or reflections. Look for entries that are inspiring, heartfelt, or reflective of their legacy.
- When Not to Include: Avoid highly private or sensitive entries, especially those that may reveal personal struggles, conflicts, or opinions they would not have wanted shared publicly.
- How to Introduce Diary Excerpts: Provide a brief explanation of the context, such as when and why the entry was written, to help attendees understand its significance.
What Not to Include as a Reading at a Funeral
While personal writings can add depth to a funeral, it’s equally important to exclude content that may detract from the intended atmosphere of the service.
- Overly Private or Sensitive Material: Avoid sharing deeply personal entries from diaries, letters, or writings that may upset attendees or expose family conflicts.
- Inside Jokes: Unless widely understood and appropriate, inside jokes can alienate those unfamiliar with their context.
- Negative or Controversial Content: Steer clear of content that may provoke negative emotions, including divisive political or religious commentary, unless it aligns with the deceased’s explicit wishes.
- Long or Confusing Texts: Lengthy passages or those requiring extensive explanation can disrupt the flow of the service. Opt for concise and impactful selections.
How to Incorporate Personal Writings Into the Funeral
Once you’ve gathered and curated the content, decide how to present it during the service.
- Include in Eulogies: A family member or friend delivering a eulogy can weave personal writings, poems, or excerpts into their speech. This makes the tribute more heartfelt and unique.
- Print in the Program: Highlight meaningful text, such as a poem or excerpt, in the funeral program for attendees to read and reflect on.
- Create a Display: Set up a memory table featuring framed poems, letters, or journal entries alongside photos and other mementos.
- Incorporate Into the Service: Ask the officiant or a chosen speaker to read excerpts aloud during the ceremony, providing an emotional touchpoint for attendees.
- Compile a Memory Book: Gather all contributions into a memorial book that can be displayed at the service and kept as a keepsake by the family.
