A viewing or a visitation is an important tradition when honoring a loved one who has passed. Whether you are attending as a friend, family member, or coworker, knowing what to expect can help you approach the event with the right mindset and preparedness. While the terms “viewing” and “visitation” are often used interchangeably, there are some key differences. In this guide, we’ll cover what each entails, how to prepare, and what to expect during these emotional gatherings.
What is a Viewing or a Visitation?
A viewing generally refers to an event where the body of the deceased is present, often in an open casket, allowing those in attendance to see the person one last time. This can provide a sense of closure and help mourners come to terms with the loss. The setting is usually quiet and somber, with family and friends gathering to reflect, share memories, and offer support to one another.
A visitation, on the other hand, may not necessarily include viewing the body. The deceased might be in a closed casket, or there may be no casket at all. Instead, the focus is on visiting with the family to offer condolences and share in collective grief. Visitation events often serve as a time for extended family, friends, and acquaintances to offer their support to the bereaved in a more informal setting.
Purpose and Importance of a Viewing or Visitation
Both viewings and visitations play an important role in the grieving process. For many, they provide an opportunity for emotional closure, allowing mourners to say goodbye in their own way. These gatherings can also be comforting because they bring together a community of people who share in the loss, offering support and solace during a difficult time. The time spent at a viewing or visitation allows attendees to reflect on their relationship with the deceased and the impact that person had on their lives.
What to Expect at a Viewing or Visitation
The Setting
Viewings and visitations typically take place at a funeral home, a church, or the family’s residence. The atmosphere is respectful and often somber. Flowers, photographs, or mementos might be displayed around the room to honor the life of the deceased. The family will usually be present, greeting guests, although they may also take moments of privacy during the event.
The Casket
If it’s a viewing, the casket may be open or closed, depending on the family’s wishes. If the casket is open, attendees may approach the body and pay their respects quietly. In a visitation, the casket may be closed, or there might not be a casket at all. Instead, the focus is on spending time with the family.
Interacting with the Family
Offering condolences to the grieving family is an important aspect of attending either a viewing or a visitation. Sometimes, simply offering a few words like, “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “You’re in my thoughts” can be enough. It’s also common for guests to share personal memories or stories of the deceased, which can provide comfort to the family during this difficult time.
How to Prepare for a Viewing or Visitation
Emotional Readiness
Attending a viewing or visitation can be emotionally challenging, especially if you were close to the deceased. It’s important to prepare yourself for a wide range of emotions, whether grief, shock, or even moments of relief. Understanding that everyone processes grief differently can help you manage your own emotions while being sensitive to others at the event.
Practical Preparation
- Dress appropriately: Viewings and visitations typically call for modest, conservative attire. Dark or muted colors such as black, navy, and gray are traditionally worn. However, if the family has requested specific attire (such as light colors to celebrate the deceased’s life), it’s important to honor their wishes.
- Timing: Viewings and visitations can last for several hours, and guests can come and go during that time. Arriving at the beginning isn’t necessary unless you are particularly close to the family. It’s a good idea to stay long enough to pay your respects, but avoid lingering if many guests are expected.
Cultural and Religious Variations
Cultural and religious traditions often shape the format of a viewing or visitation. Here are a few examples:
- Catholic/Christian: Viewings in the Catholic or Christian tradition often include prayers, scripture readings, and sometimes even a rosary. The body is typically present, and an open casket is common.
- Jewish: In Jewish tradition, a viewing of the body is not typical. Instead, the family observes a period of mourning known as shiva, during which friends and family visit the home to offer support.
- Muslim: In Islamic tradition, viewings are generally not held, as the focus is on prayers and rituals to prepare the deceased for burial. However, visitations may take place for the community to support the family.
Understanding these variations can help you approach the event with the appropriate cultural sensitivity and respect.
What to Say and Do at a Viewing or Visitation
When offering condolences, keep your words simple and heartfelt. Phrases such as “I’m sorry for your loss,” “My thoughts are with you,” or “Please let me know if there’s anything I can do” are both respectful and comforting. If you have a personal story or memory of the deceased, consider sharing it with the family, as these moments can offer comfort.
It’s also important to be mindful of what not to say. Avoid statements that may unintentionally upset the family, such as “They’re in a better place now” or “At least they lived a long life.” These comments, though well-meaning, may minimize the family’s grief.
Etiquette and Behavior
During the Event
Remain respectful throughout the event. Speak quietly, offer a handshake or hug to the family if appropriate, and allow others space to pay their respects. If the body is present and the casket is open, approach slowly, reflect, and offer a silent prayer or thought if you wish.
Bringing Children
If you plan to bring children to a viewing or visitation, it’s important to prepare them for what they might experience. Explain the purpose of the event and allow them to ask questions. If your child becomes restless or upset, be prepared to step outside and give them a break.
Emotional Impact of Attending
Grief can manifest in many ways, and it’s important to give yourself grace if you find the experience overwhelming. You may feel a range of emotions, from sadness to anger to relief. Taking breaks, speaking with supportive friends, or simply finding a quiet corner to reflect can help. Remember that everyone handles grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to feel during such a gathering.
If you know that a family member or friend may struggle with their emotions, offer quiet support and understanding. Sometimes just being there is enough to provide comfort.
Alternatives to Traditional Viewings or Visitations
As times change, so do funeral traditions. Some families opt for virtual viewings or visitations, allowing distant relatives and friends to participate in the mourning process online. Memorial services without the presence of a body are also becoming more common, especially when families choose to celebrate the life of the deceased in a more informal setting.
An Important Rite
Attending a viewing or visitation is an important part of the grieving process for many people. It provides a space for closure, support, and shared sorrow, helping mourners come to terms with their loss. As you approach the event, remember that each viewing or visitation is unique, shaped by the family’s preferences, cultural practices, and the relationship you shared with the deceased. Enter the space with compassion and respect, understanding that your presence, however brief, means more than you may realize.
See also: What is a wake?
